Dread

I have this dread about a certain student in my class. None of the interventions I am trying seem to be working. He knows I can impose no consequence on him. There's no use in sending him to the office. He disrupts my class constantly. Most days, I feel like I've just survived the lessons of the day.

I also have dread about things I haven't planned for well. It seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day, and I always feel like I'm behind or forgetting something. Just this afternoon, I realized, while I had planned for the whole day, I completely forgot to copy the homework for the grade level. My technology completely messed up and that was my whole lesson. One student in my class said to me, "Mrs. Orr, I think you've lost everybody." How frustrating.

I know that dread is a result of fear...and it is sinful for me to not trust God with even the seemingly minor details in my classroom. But I'm finding it increasingly difficult to go in with a fresh start when what I want to do is completely overhaul my teaching style. And I'm not sure that's possible in March. And even if it were possible, I don't know where I'd start!

I am starting some new things tomorrow. I will make a "tattle tub" to hopefully reduce some tattling problems I have. I am going to have a reflection sheet for the student to fill out before the day even begins. This will hopefully difuse anger that he has from home before he even starts the day, and give him the choice to start his work or cool down in a quiet spot. I also have a "I need help" sheet. While I seem to have an incredibly chatty class, I also have 3 students in particular who are just as quiet. They rarely ask for help, even one-on-one. So I am hoping that, given the opportunity to quietly write out their needs, they'll be able to let me know more that they need assistance.

I am also going to try a token economy. Have any other teachers tried this? I was wary to start this, but it seems like my lottery system isn't working with this one student in particular, and a point sheet/behavior contract just makes things worse. As much as I hate to do this, I may even start using plain old food as reinforcement.

One more thing. I used to love getting to know my campers at the YMCA. I really enjoyed forming good relationships with them, and I never thought that'd be an area of weakness for me now. But it seems like I've let all the "to do" things get in the way of actually getting to know my students. So once a week I'm going to have lunch in the classroom with a small group. It's hard to give up my break/planning time but I hope this will prove a valuable investment.

I just want to be the teacher that God has called me to be. I want to glorify Him in my classroom, and even if I can't change every student I want to know that the Lord worked through me. I want to let Him work through me. I want to walk by the Spirit and not by my flesh. I want to have joy, not dread, in this calling.

Neverending to do list

Happy snow day! I went to sleep last night thinking we'd have a 2-hour delay, but woke up to discover that school was cancelled. While I am very sad about a shorter spring break, it was nice to have a day off. I went in around 12:30 and spent the entire afternoon filing papers. I feel more organized (something I resolved to be last night at small group) but I still feel like I have a million things to do this week.

-catch up on reading for my 5 reading groups
-fill out retension paperwork for 8 students
-track down parents who have to come in for retension conferences THIS WEEK
-prepare for a Student Support Team meeting tomorrow and somewhat look like I know what I'm doing
-make math groups for the week
-prepare for tutoring tomorrow


And that's just tonight!

I am so glad I got to clean up today. It will make life so much easier next year now that all my papers are filed. But I wish there were about 10 more hours in the day and I was 10x as focused to get everything finished!

Really, it's the simple things.

I've been discouraged lately as a teacher. I see my classroom community becoming very unpleasant as some behavior issues are getting worse and I'm not the teacher I want to be. It seems like I can never get it all done. If I'm ahead in grading, I'm behind in planning. If I have a great conversation with this child, this other child feels ignored. I had hoped to be in a different place by this point in my first year, but it seems some days like I'm back at square one. It seems like taking one day at a time was great advice in August, but it's now March, and I need to plan ahead more. It's really easy to get down about teaching in general, but I know all is not lost.

So this afternoon, I'm dedicating this post to the simple things I appreciate in life.

First, my new favorite Girl Scout cookies given to me by my dear mum. I will be sure to purchase more from the Girl Scout in my class. Yum :)






























Joel got this for his birthday from his mom:














Of course, I've been eyeing this at Ten Thousand Village for months. So I think it was a gift for the both of us ;)














I love this little girl, and I hope Laura doesn't mind that I put this picture up. It just makes me laugh every single time I see it, mostly because I feel the same way about squash.




















Joel makes me laugh. He's a reason why. This is "wolfie" under the Philip Rivers football helmet I gave him for a wedding present while Philip Rivers is on TV.















Southern food. I love it. So it gets to go on the blog. Friday's dinner: chicken, collards, and sweet potato casserole. Joel's famous sweet tea is not pictured.
















Hm. I feel much better now that we've had this talk.

The beach, a day off, and a cold...

Well, we just came back from an amazing weekend at the beach. We went with our friends to celebrate Christie and Andrew's birthday. Christie's blog (here) has some amazing pictures from the weekend. I am so thankful that we got to go. We had a blast and it has been way too long since we had been to Oak Island together.

Before we left I had a huge headache and felt really nauseous. I was exhausted from the week and stressed about school things. I felt better later on but Saturday night my throat was on fire and I couldn't talk. I took some cold medicine that made me really drowsy so I don't really remember a lot of Saturday night, but Sunday I was really not feeling good. We drove to Wilmington for lunch and had a picnic of sorts, although it was really cold and windy. But Joel and I got some coffee and I got to relax the whole way home. When we got in the door, I went to lie down and felt extremely sick-headache, stomachache, sore throat, the whole nine yards. Joel was so good and took care of me. At one point, I woke up to him putting socks on my feet because they were cold. I am so thankful for my husband :)

Last week I asked for the day off today to make sure I got everything done before going back to work. And I am so glad I did, but I doubt I'll get anything done today. Tomorrow it's back to the grind!

I love Valentine's Day :)

Homemade cupcakes with homemade buttercream icing:
















So this week has been pretty good in the world of teaching.

I am realizing more and more how much I need the Lord to change my heart...there are so many things I need to do better. I want to be more patient and not show favoritism. I also want to be wise in how I discipline, and not discipline in anger, and also show students the consequences of their actions without crushing them. I really need help in this area-sometimes I'm too soft, sometimes too hard, and it's hard to just be fair.

But I do love my class. They are so much fun, even on bad days. And they have such ridiculously funny personalities and quirks...I love getting to know them.

In other news, I am loving the technology we have in our class. I created 2 assessments on the Promethean (interactive whiteboard) for today. My kids were really engaged and we had a ton of fun. Plus, it was a good "check for understanding."

We had our Valentine's Day party today. A parent brought in some snacks, and with all the candy my kids were insane. We played outside for a while after that. I got really cheesy valentines, and I love it. I told my kids all week how much I loved Valentine's Day. So we all got pretty into it.

I love these gifts from kids:

Yesterday, Joel got home late from the gym. I know it's silly, but I just got worked up worrying about him. I tried calling him, but he didn't answer. So my mind started racing with all the possible places he could be lying in the middle of the road. I was 10 minutes from jumping in my car to look for him, when he walked in the door with:

He had gone to the store to pick up milk and bought me these beautiful flowers! He didn't want to ruin the surprise so he didn't answer the phone. I burst into tears...and felt really silly about the whole thing. Joel just laughed at me...which I understand considering I kept saying, "I'm so glad you're alive!"

I absolutely LOVE fresh flowers.




























Truly, I am thankful for our nights together. This week, we watched Lord of the Rings and some other favorite TV shows tonight. I haven't brought any work home and we've just enjoyed laughing and relaxing. It's really nice to be able to get through a tough day at work because you are looking forward to eating Chick-fil-a with your best friend. Really, it's the little things.

Friday

Three of my four conferences this week struck fear in me...but now they are over, and only one was mildly frustrating.

I don't even think I want to reflect on this week, but I will, briefly. There were some low and high points. Mostly, I'm trying to connect with some kids that have fallen behind. It's been nice to work on those relationships. I've had to make some tough decisions because I had to consider my entire class' needs. It's hard to have "tough love" and finally say ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

I need to work on leaving school at school and not bringing it home.

Joel and I have spend a lot of good time together this week. We might go see a movie tonight, too :)

I think we are eating healthier. I'm trying to do those things that we should do all the time, anyway. Eat brown carbs not white carbs. Fill 2/3 of the plate with veggies. Eat lean protein. Include good dairy products. My biggest weakness is dessert. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE chocolate. My brother gave me some organic truffles last week, so I'm indulging in those. They are dark chocolate, so that's better, right?

Well, it's Friday. I'm watching Wife Swap, eating a truffle, and maybe I'll take a nap before I make a HEALTHY dinner.

Quick updates...

...It's been a while.

* I finished report cards last week, and that is why I was so swamped. This past weekend I threw a birthday party for Joel, helped my brother move in in Fayetteville, and threw and impromptu Super Bowl party. Hence, the lack of updates.

*Conferences start this week. I always am fearful that parents will find something completely wrong with my classroom. This week, it may happen.

* I really did not enjoy my profession today. I cried at the end of the day and sometimes I wonder why I didn't chose an easier profession, like ER surgeon or SWAT team member. Just kidding. I know I am called to be a teacher, but if tomorrow is anything like today I just don't want to go. I am praying for strength.

* Joel and I are spending more time together. It's really easy to have people over to our house all the time, and I love it, but we need to be intentional about carving out time for ourselves. It's been going really well.

* I am thinking about buying more organic food. I'm trying to lose weight so eating more veggies is a must, and I LOVE going to the farmer's market. I'm thinking the next step is dairy/meat products.

* I really am discontent about my wardrobe. I really have a lack of professional clothing. Joel says so too. Maybe that can change ;)