Sunday, July 06, 2008

1. the beach was very fun and i am finally tan.
2. i am a worrywart and i don't do things at times just to avoid that pit-in-your-tummy feeling that seems to come more and more frequently lately.
3. i desperately want a sonic scrubber that i just saw on an infomercial. it is true. it is difficult to clean grout with a toothbrush.
4. i made a colorful to-do list.
5. when did i become so practical? i think i used to be more laid back. and i think things never got done. and currently i'm writing this instead of addressing three measly invitations that i have been avoiding.
6. this has become a reflective post. so i will continue in this vane. vein? manner.

i have re-read most of blue like jazz this weekend at the beach (joel and i went with will and christine-they are so great). i had forgotten how brilliant i think donald miller is. and i think that many people got mad at him because he speaks against republicans and all, but i think he's speaking to people that are passionate about the things that he is and often, they aren't GOP members, and it's to those who are so disconnected from the church and honestly, i have felt that way and reading this book reminds me that Jesus is someone that I know, He's someone I can have an intimate relationship with, and I get so caught up in who Jesus wants me to vote for and what I need to do in order to be right with God that I have forgotten all about grace.

and I read the chapter about grace yesterday on the beach and cried all by myself in the middle of hundreds of people, because i add so much to the gospel by saying what I need to do in order to be a Christian, but I love Jesus because He first loved me, and I think I am one of those people that has problems with grace, because I like the idea that I am loved because of some quality that is all mine, but then it's about me and not about Him, and there really isn't anything about me that deserves such favor, but He gives it so freely because He is drunk with love for me, and that love, when I accept it, fuels me to obey.

I get it so backwards sometimes.

sometimes i understand this love more because of Joel. when I get anxious, sometimes I can even doubt us, and I will come to Joel with all I have, all messed up, and sometimes blindside him with it, but he always reminds me of his love for me, and he reminds me of the love that God lavishes on us because of how he responds to me. his love makes me feel safe, protected, and i think that is what marriage is supposed to be. often i hear that when people have a child, they understand the Father's love for us so much more. and i think marriage is like that too, a reflection-a picture, of our relationship with Christ.

also, i had a dream the other night that i bought philip rivers ice cream at chik-fil-a and i think i woke up before joel had a chance to meet him, although i think i tried to make philip wait on a bench so joel could meet him.

also, i had a dream last night that i bought a navy blue polo shirt and one of those polo plaid-y mini skirts and i wore it for real, in public.

also, need some new clothes that fit me.

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