Friday, October 03, 2008

'Scuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?

The past few months, it's been hard to get a word in edgewise.

At home with my parents, with my friends, sometimes with the hubs, and of course-AT SCHOOL, I feel like I'm constantly talking over something or someone.

It's made me incredibly protective of my talking time.

I get that I'm soft spoken, for the most part.
I get that I do not tell the funniest jokes or have the most interesting anecdotes. But lately, I have been desperate for just my time to talk. When is it my turn, eh?

The hubs does not mean to do this. He is wonderful, really. He lets me talk and talk and talk when I get home, because I have told him about this huge issue I have. We take walks a couple of times a week so that we can have uninterrupted conversation. Because other times, there is a T.V. on or an NPR story or a friend over or we're making dinner...all these noisy things that get in the way.

Sometimes I just feel like there is too much clutter, too much noise. I just need to breathe and then clean it all up. (In fact, today I got so stressed about this I stayed after school for an hour and a half just organizing papers!)

I just always feel like that. Like I can't organize my thoughts. Like I can't focus on one thing. Like everything in life is jumbled somewhere in my brain I need to dig through to find it.

Tonight on my way home, it finally dawned on me.

Well, the Lord had to hit me on the head and say, "All that clutter and noise-just turn it off. You can't hear Me."

It's so true. I can't hear Him with all these other things in my mind. I need to focus. To just listen. I think I needed these months of feeling like I'm not being heard to finally realize that I'm just not listening enough.

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