Saturday, January 17, 2009
5th picture in my 5th album
Laura tagged me...so I've uploaded the 5th picture from my 5th photo album on my computer.
I know this picture was taken while I was in the car. I am pretty sure (hopefully!) that Joel was driving. I think it was down Edwards Mill, towards 540.
I think there are so many amazing, awe-inspiring ways that the Lord shows us His glory though nature. I love love love when the sun breaks through the clouds. And this is one of those ways that has astounded me, even as a little girl. Whenever I see it, I try to snap a picture of it.
This day was obviously dark and cloudy, and the sun broke through the clouds in the most magnificent way. Looking at this picture again almost makes me want to cry! I am just reminded of His splendor.
In other news...
Joel's mom was a missionary kid in Nigeria, and along with other Nigerian MKs, she has formed a council to "advance sustainable solutions that address practical needs of the people of Nigeria."
The website is here if you want to check it out. She said something last week that I have been chewing over for a few days. She said you have to quench people's physical thirst before they can understand the quenching of spiritual thirst.
And I am trying to understand how that applies to me as a teacher. I truly need to understand the important of my calling as a teacher...and for that matter, a wife. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I haven't taken this as seriously as I should.
The reasons I became passionate about teaching were because I felt like so many kids are left behind or looked down upon because of circumstances that are beyond their own control. And I saw the classroom as a possible microcosm of what a peaceful, loving community can be-one that treats all people justly and mercifully, in which all have the opportunity to be what they have been called to be. I believed that elementary school was a critical time to catch problems before children fell farther and farther behind. I wanted to show love to all students, to facilitate a caring community in which students could feel safe to take risks, learn from one another, and be successful so that they would have a better start in life.
I look back at the year so far, and I don't see that happening. I have a student that is dealing with more than I could deal with, and he is disrupting the class constantly, trying my ever decreasing patience, and falling so far behind I have no idea how to pick him back up. He has shut down, quit trying, and hates coming to school. And I don't blame him for that part (I'd hate it too), but I struggle with how to not resent his frequent outbursts of anger, his meanness and bullying other kids, and his lack of desire to even pick up a pencil.
I know somewhere there is something that will change him. But I have no idea what it is. And meanwhile, the other students certainly aren't seeing the best of me. I wonder if they feel neglected or treated unfairly. I wonder how often my frustration with him spills out on to them. I am trying to ignore his attention-seeking behavior but it is really difficult. And they can completely see that and I wonder if we will end up with the classroom that I wanted at the beginning of the year. I wonder if my students will grow academically the way they need to. I wonder if I am doing all I can or if I am doing it all wrong.
I just have no idea where I am. But the Lord does. So I'm just praying for that sunlight through the clouds right now.