This weekend has been super busy. From Cornhuskin' on Friday to bachelorette festivities for Kathleen last night, I've been running around for a while! Joel and I spent some good time together after church today, including a massive meal from Bojangles.
We've been learning about work this week, and how to view it. And I need refreshment, a new attitude, love for my class and no partiality. I need the Lord to fill me up so I can give. I have just been working for a paycheck, for the weekend, for good test scores for my kids, but not always for the Lord. And I just desire joy and purpose so much at work.
I stumbled upon a blog that Laura, Joel and I had started three summers ago when we travelled (Joel to Turkey, Laura to California, and me to England), all to share the love of Christ with unbelievers. I remember the sweetness of being in the Lord's will and also the apprehension of what we would be doing. I remember the fire that occurred in the Istanbul airport the day Joel got there, and I remember seeing it on the news and not being able to talk to him (we weren't speaking then) and how I was terrified for him. But we knew we were in God's hands.
We knew our purpose was to minister to others. We worked, we rested in Him, we loved people. I wasn't perfect. I still felt young in my faith and my understanding of working for the Lord. But that excitement of meeting new people, seeing hearts turn to the Lord...I want that excitement now at school. And it's frustrating to look at this like a job, rather than a ministry. I need renewal in my soul.
We never actually wrote on that blog, which I regret. But this verse was at the top of the page. This verse was such a burden on my heart that summer.
"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth." -Isaiah 49:6
I want to go somewhere. Every few weeks I get that itch to travel. I dream of new cultures, new foods, new relationships in new places. But I'm here now. Right where God has placed me. Oh, to have that same attitude at work. I know in my head that this is a ministry, a place to serve and love and grow, but that truth isn't written on my heart.